Don't Forgive, Forget
by TollarTok
Summary: After being betrayed, and after her mother's death, Isabella Swan moves to Forks to try and escape her past. And to have a fresh start.
1. Breakaway

This is my first try at fanfiction, so go easy on me!

This is just the first chapter/prologue, and I know it's not the longest chapter, but chapter two is soon to be finished, and it's longer.

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BPOV

On the plane to Forks I had too much time to think. Which caused me to dig deep in this last year. Everything that has happened; my mother's cancer (her ten months, three weeks and six days' struggle had mind-baffling – until she'd lost the war against the disease), James' betrayal…

My entire body stung at the reminder, and I failed to stop the memory that followed.

_I opened the front door._

"_James, honey, are you home?"_

_No answer._

_I dropped my bag on the floor, and knelt down to pet our dog, Jacob. He seemed uneasy, and kept looking at the bedroom door. _

"_What's up, boy?"_

_I walked towards the bedroom. That's when I heard her:_

"_Oh God, James. Yes, yes, yes! That's the spot! Don't stop!!", followed by a lot of moaning._

_I barricaded the door. James stood on his knees behind a redheaded girl, her hips in his hands. Their clothes were scattered on the floor, and they were fucking like animals. The girl screamed a high-pitched scream, and James started trembling – which I knew meant that he'd soon have his release._

"_What the hell!!", I yelled._

_They both turned to look in my direction. James quickly slid out of the girl, and stumbled towards me, in his full naked glory._

"_Oh, baby, I'm sorry. It's not what it looks like."_

_Well, ain't that a kicker._

"_So, you're saying that you and this girl were not having crazy anal sex?"_

"_Well, uh, yes, we were."_

"_Well then, it's exactly what it looks like."_

"_I never meant for you to see this, I mean, it's never happened before, we were just caught up in the moment."_

"_Uh, James, baby…" the redhead started. "This isn't the first time." She looked at me. "I'm incredibly sorry, but James and I have been seeing each other for a few months. He's never said anything about having a girlfriend. If he would've, I wouldn't be seeing him. I'm sorry…"_

"_Yeah, is that right, James? Have you been having an affair with her? For a few months?" I asked with all the calm I could manage._

"_Uh… yeah. We met down at the coffee shop, she works there. At first it wasn't anything sexual, just a fling. But then we… had sex. And since then we've been seeing each other when you're not at home."_

"_Is that right? Well, I'm taking Jacob with me, and moving out. You two can continue what you were doing before I interrupted. So… you can continue your sex, and I'll just pack up my stuff."_

_The girl started putting on clothes, while James threw himself on the bed, facing the ceiling._

_I stalked out of the room, to the big closet, and grabbed onto all the bags I could find. I started throwing all my stuff into the biggest bag – until I saw what bag that was. The bag that I'd brought with me when James first asked me to move in with him. I held the bag upside-down, emptying it on the floor. I picked up the next bag, but recognized the bag as the one I'd brought on our trip to his parents. After a quick glance at all the bags I'd settled for the two that didn't have any reminiscence to James. And when I started packing I realized that most of my things also had a part of James in them. So even though I had only two medium-sized bags to fit my entire life in, I still had space over in them. So I figured that at least half of the food in the kitchen should be mine, so I raked through the fridge, and grabbed all the Hot Pockets I could find in the freezer. When I'd done that I took all cans of Diet Coke._

_When I took Jacob's leash, James put his hand on my wrist._

"_Please, don't do this. We can make this work, it doesn't have to end this way. Please."_

_His black puppy-dog eyes would have won me over, if it wouldn't have been for the redheaded woman sneaking out of the bedroom, towards the bathroom._

"_Goodbye, James."_

I was brought back into reality when the pilot announced that we were preparing to land. I wiped away the single tear that trickled down my cheek.


	2. Realizations

My dad, Charlie, met me at the airport. Since this was the first time we'd seen each other since my mother's funeral, the ride back to his house was very quiet. But neither one of us had a problem with the silence. He'd put Jacob in the back seat, where he ran around, exploring the small space.

I'd agreed to stay with my father for a little while, during the time that I settled in to the town. When I felt like it, I would have his full permission to get my own place. He probably didn't realize how soon I would want to move out.

I had one person, except for my dad, that mattered to me in Forks – Jessica Stanley. The second I'd dumped all my bags in my old room I picked up my phone and dialed Jess' number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jess, it's Bella."

"Bella! Hi! How're you doing?"

"Grea- Good."

"Uh-oh, what's up?"

"It's nothing… I just had too much time alone on the plane."

"Plane?"

"Haven't I told you? I'm in Forks."

"What?! Really?"

"Yeah, I've moved here. Semi-permanently."

"Are you at your dad's house now?"

"Yes, but I'll get my own place soon. I'm just staying here while I get used to Forks."

"You can move in with me. I have an apartment in Port Angeles."

"That's very nice of you, Jess. I'd really like that. But are you sure it's okay? Y'know, I've got Jacob too."

"Of course! I'll just talk to my landlord, he won't argue."

"But how do I tell Charlie? He's really excited about having me."

"Well, you can always just say something that'll make him not regret letting you go – something in the style of 'lady problems'. Or you can just break down in tears."

"That's all you've got? We're talking Charlie, he'll buy me tampons if I ask him. Probably even condoms."

"Yeah, he'll do that for you. Well, Bells, you pretty much got to do something drastic. Tell him you've met a guy or something. Or that you've got a job over here, that'll make him let you go, right?"

"Hm… A job would do it. By the way, are there actually any jobs available in Port Angeles?"

"I know the library could use some help. You're in to books, right?"

The way she said that made it sound like it was weird to like reading.

"Yeah, I like reading. How big is the library? And where do you work?"

"It's pretty average. I work down at the… bar."

"Bar?"

"Well, it's a nudie bar."

"Oh."

"But it's not like permanent or anything, it's just so I can pay the rent."

This conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn, and I could hear Jessica's sadness and embarrassment about her job.

"Yeah, of course. But now we'll split the rent."

"That's gonna be nice. Then maybe I can cut back a shift or two."

"I think you should. So how high is the rent?"

"Not all bad. I can handle it on four shifts a night, so if we split it we'll be just fine."

"That's good. Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you come by here? I don't want to be alone with Charlie when I have to tell him."

"Of course, Bells. Right now?"

"Yeah, the sooner the better."

"Okay, I'll be right there. I'm actually down at the diner, so I'll just get going."

"Thanks. See you soon!"

"Bye."

When we hung up Charlie walked in to my room.

"Hey, Bells?"

"Yeah, Ch- dad?"

"I'm really happy that you came down here. I've missed you when you were down in Arizona."

I tried to push down the lump in my throat.

"I'm happy too, dad."

"Well, who was that on the phone?"

"Oh. Jessica. She's gonna come here."

"All the way from Port Angeles?"

"Uh, no, she was at the diner here in Forks."

"That's good. What is she up to these days?"

"She… works at a… bar in Port Angeles."

I hoped that he wouldn't want more information than that. And as a look of realization flicked over his face, I knew that my prayers had been heard.

"That's… good for her."

"Yeah, it is."

He slowly backed out of my room, walked down the stairs and sat down in front of the TV.

I decided to feed Jacob, and when he was done eating we cuddled in my bed.

After about ten minutes the doorbell rang. It never ceased to amaze me, how short the distance to everything – and everyone – was here in Forks.

When I opened the door Jess stood on our front porch, complete with makeup and her hair done. Her fake nails were painted red, which matched the bra strap that was visible in the wide cut of her top, leaving one shoulder exposed (and a large part of her chest).

"Hi!", we screamed simultaneously.

Jacob joined us, curious at my visitor.

After a lot of girly jumping and squealing, Charlie interrupted us.

"Uh, girls, I'm going fishing with Harry. Y'know, Harry Clearwater from La Push? We'll be back in time for dinner."

"Dad? Could we talk a little first?", I asked carefully. I glanced at Jessica for support.

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to talk about?"

"My… living situation. You see, Jessica has an apartment in Port Angeles, and we thought that maybe I could go live with her. There's a job available at the library there, and I think it would fit me perfectly. So… What do you think?"

He looked at me, his expression a mixture of sadness (sadness hardly ever left his face), pride and understanding.

"I think it sounds like a great opportunity. You should do it."

"I'll take good care of her, chief Swan. I promise", Jessica said, honesty in her eyes.

"I know you will, Jessica. And I'll take you by your word."

"So, I'll be moving… like tomorrow or on Sunday."

My dad's expression changed into surprise and hurt for a second, before he composed himself.

"Do you want help with packing or so?"

"No, me and Jess will take care of it", I said. "You should get going if you're going to go fishing anytime soon."

"You're right. I'll bring home some fish for dinner. Nice to meet you, Jessica."

"Nice to meet you too, chief Swan."

"Since my daughter's going to be staying with you, I think we're on a first name basis."

"Okay, Charlie."

"Good. Well, bye girls."

"Bye!"

He grabbed his fishing rod, and stepped out the door.

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

His expression was hopeful, like he wished I'd changed my mind.

"Could you and Harry bring Jacob with you? I haven't had the time to activate him lately."

"Sure. Come here, boy."

The dog quickly walked over to Charlie (they'd always been fond of each other). When he had his leash on my dad walked out the door, waving as he went.

"So, Bella. What's the real reason you came to Forks for?", Jessica asked.

Jessica had always been able to see through my lies.

"Uh. You know James?"

"M-hm."

I told her the entire story, not leaving out any details.

"What an ass-hole!", Jessica blurted out.

"Yes, pretty much."

"I can't imagine walking in on that. I feel so bad for you, though I know that won't help you one bit."

"A little", I said, trying to be nice to her. It wasn't her fault that I was permanently scarred. "Let's start packing my stuff. I haven't really unpacked anything, but I'd still like to make sure everything is in its right place."

"Sure, then we can evaluate your closet, to see what's worth keeping."

Considering our different taste in clothes, the 'keep'-pile would probably be non-existent after Jess would've raked through my closet. She was in to sexy, revealing clothes that left little to the imagination, and I wore layers. This was going to be quite patience testing.

I'd managed to convince Jessica that not everyone liked showing their entire legs, or both shoulders at once. Some of my garments were thrown out, with my consent.

When my closet was empty once again, we went down to the kitchen and made coffee. When we had our cups, we sat down on the couch in the living room. Jacob fell asleep between us.

"So… I thought we should go to a party when we get to Port Angeles", Jessica announced.

"Really? Who's hosting the party?", I asked suspiciously.

"Rosalie Hale, a… colleague and friend of mine."

"Is she nice?"

"She's… original. If she likes you, she's nice, and if she doesn't… well… she's not nice."

"Do you think she'll accept me?"

"Not at first. It took me a few months, and now she likes me. But if you make friends with her boyfriend, Emmett Cullen, she'll like you. He's everything to her.

"Is he nice, then?"

"Oh yeah, he's like a big bear. It wouldn't surprise me if he started hitting on you."

"Really? But if he's on to me, Rosalie won't be too happy."

"If you just let her win him, you'll be fine."

I wasn't too sure.

"Hey, Jess, do you think it would be kind of a good idea to drive my stuff to Port Angeles as early as tonight? I'd much rather not have Charlie thinking that I'm going to be here for long."

"Yeah, sure, Bella. Whatever you think is best."

Her face held something that I couldn't read. I was worried about what it could be.

When I first moved in to Jessica's apartment, I'd gotten the spare room, which could only hold a bed, closet, Jacob's bed and a small desk. The size of the room suited me very well, but Jess thought it was too small. So she cleaned out the office (that she claimed stood unused. I believed her) and put my furniture in there instead.

"Hey, Jess. Thank you."

"It's no problem, Bella. It'll be fun to have you living here."

We had one of those girly moments again, where we just hugged. It wasn't until Jacob came running that we released one another.

"So, when does the party start?", I asked, breaking the silence.

"In about four hours. But it'll take a little while to get there, so we might as well just get started getting ready now, and take our time."

"Yeah, let's do that. Do you want to do my makeup?"

"Okay, how do you want it?"

"Uh. Go easy on me."

When we pulled up to Rosalie's house Jessica pulled out a pink lip-gloss and started smearing it on her lips, looking in the rearview mirror. She reached me the gloss when she was done, but I shook my head. I didn't want my lips to look like Jess', all plumped up.

She hauled herself out of the car, not bothering to wait for me. I hurried after her, and she eventually slowed her pace, a few yards from the door, and allowed me to catch up.

"Okay, Bella, I'll stick by you for a little while, but I've promised Mike Newton to be with him, so…"

"It's fine, just lead me to the booze, and I'll be fine", I said as reassuringly as I could.

"Good. You ready?"

"Shoot."

When she opened the door the first thing that hit me was the smell of sweat, alcohol and pot. The music was blaring from the speakers, some repetitive techno crap. Jess led me to the table with all the alcohol, and I grabbed a beer, while she poured tequila in a glass too big for tequila. She downed it all in one swipe, and repeated the action.

A gorgeous blonde made her way towards us.

"Hey, Jess. Nice way to get the party started."

"Yeah, I thought I'd get on it right away."

Jessica glanced at me.

"Uh, Bella, this is Rosalie. Rosalie, this is Bella, the girl I told you about."

"You're Jess's room mate? I would've thought that she would go for someone more… Oh, never mind. It's nice to meet you Bella."

"Yeah… You too."

"Hey Rose, have you seen Mike anywhere? I'm supposed to meet up with him later", Jess interrupted, not that I minded the awkward moment ending.

"I think I saw him hanging around Lauren, but I'm not sure. Go check."

"Okay. You alright by yourself, Bells?"

"I'll look after your little friend", Rosalie stated before I could respond. I just nodded.

"Bye, Bells."

When she was gone Rosalie put her arm around my shoulders.

"So. I hear you're single. Anyone here interesting?"

"Uh, Rosalie, I'm not really looking for anything right now. I'm happy on my own."

"Oh, come on, I'm sure someone here could please you. If just for tonight."

"Really, I just want to sit somewhere with a beer and relax."

"What about… Tyler? He's cute."

"Look, I just want to relax. I can't handle the male species right now."

"Oh. Okay. I mean… sure."

"Thanks."

"But." I knew there was a catch. "If you want to relax, I have just the thing for you."

Before I know it she grabbed my arm and walked through the room, up the stairs, leading me to a darkly lit room. I could make out four figures, sitting closely together. The air was clouded with smoke, smelling sweet and a bit woodsy – pot. I instantly relaxed, taking in the familiar scent. I'd smoked pot with James back in Phoenix, and I'd always enjoyed it.

The people in the room acknowledged my presence, nodding slightly. Only one stood, and walked up to me.

"Hey. You want some?"

He held out a lit joint.

"Um… sure."

I took the joint from him, and put it to my mouth. I took a deep breath, letting my lungs fill with thick smoke. It wasn't until I felt an urgent need for oxygen that I let out the puff of smoke.

A familiar calm took over my body. Slowly I walked to the couch, plopping down on it. I leaned my head back, closing my eyes. In my high state, I was able to mull over the things that had happened – James' cheating, my moving to Forks and my mother's death. Never before had I been able to see these things so clearly, it was like looking at it from an outside perspective.

James never loved me. Charlie loved me. My mother always tried, but could never love me in the way we both needed.

It'd never made sense for me ever living with my mother, if it hadn't been for me constantly feeling pity for her and all her self-sacrificing for her relationships that all crashed. And it had definitely not made sense for me to ever live with James, since he only was with me because my cop father made sure I never got in trouble – and in turn, neither did James.

My moving to Forks was going to be a great time for me to start again. No more fake, no more false feelings. And no more pitying.

This was the beginning of a new Isabella Swan.

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So, what are you thinking?


End file.
